Kijam Blog

The Box–Teddy Atlas Shrugged

There is a feeling of nervousness in my stomach. I walk up the musty flight of stairs and join the crowd.

Now it’s my turn. I climb in between the ropes and hear my name announced. It’s my first fight, the other kid’s eighth or ninth. He’s the hometown kid.

The bell sounds, and I start off with some big left hooks and right jabs at his face. A couple of the hooks land, but then he starts using his superior experience in the ring to dodge and weave most of my big punches. After I miss my opponent’s ugly face a couple more times, his trainer yells, "He’s wild, he’s wild!" Just like when I’m pitching in baseball. Then my opponent batters me with several enormous rights to the face. I’m lucky he doesn’t have real power or I might be in a lot of trouble. I try my best to connect with some left hooks, but I just don’t have the skills. I’m not prepared for this.

The one-minute rounds seem fives times that long in the ring. As the bell sounds, signaling the end of Round 1, I go to sit down in...

Finale (Who Will Make It?)

I have given myself over to the devil. Yet the devil is me, and the hell my mind. My heart cries blood. But I cannot stop my self-torture, my mutilation. Hell has taken over, my reason is overthrown. I understand, yet must lie helpless as the demons invade me. I nearly laugh at my dead life, mocking my helplessness. Grim, wicked sneers trickle from my nose onto my lips. I seek to glut myself on wine, madly gushing the rich red liquid into my throat. There is no escape from myself. The heat of rage burns hotter. Because I cannot escape, I seek to hurt myself more, more, more, there is no amount of pain that I will not inflict. I drink the red of torture, yet thirst for gallons more.

Swirling alcohol does not ease my pain. I want the demons to invade and take me over wholly, so I will no longer know that I am in hell. But the demons are me. I will always know, no matter what happens. Sweat creeps down my scorched, twisted skin as I type, mixing with blood pooling on the keys. I shudder, for my current...

Yes, I have finally finished the radiation on my right maxillary sinus and upper jaw. Radiation on the back was done last week. I went almost every weekday to Moffia for 3 weeks. Now I don't go back until next Wednesday when I see Dr. Deconti and I see Dr. Kelly to do more work on my eye prosthesis now that the swelling in that area has gone down from the radiation. Then I will have 5 days of chemo the week after that, and a PET scan a couple of weeks later. I need this new chemo, irinotecan, that I just started last time to be effective, since I have felt several lumps on my torso lately. My left hip still hurts a bit and my walking isn’t awesome, but I am samurai.

The radiation techs offered me the mask they use to focus the beam and keep me from moving during therapy, and I said I’d take it because I could use it for Halloween. They said everyone says that for some reason. It’s a plastic outline with holes in it of the face down to the shoulders. It’s white and it reminds me of a mummy although...

I'm feeling more like myself again after a couple weeks of wonkiness. My left hip hurt, making me walk like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and I still had trouble with my swallowing, slowing me down, sometimes causing hurling, and a loss of appetite. But I am back with pizza and tacos and shakes with amazing amounts of calories. 1 cup whole milk, 1 cup vanilla ice cream, 1/2 cup chocolate pudding. 30-45 seconds on medium in the blender. Try it if you're Rambo.

Oh yeah, if you like swearing, read this next part.

Oh yeah, fuck you cancer. I’m gonna win. Eventually you’re gonna get bored or tired of trying. I’m gonna knock you down repeatedly...

Yes, the delayed Kijam Wedding is now official. Set for Sept. 15, 2007, in Minnesota, then delayed due to Sir Brian Caroline being in the hospital, it was rescheduled for January 5^th, 2008, in Florida, so it could happen no matter what. It did, dear readers, in grand style.

Anagrams got us her condo lodge as the location, provided the decorations, and with my relatives set up almost everything, including the food. Anagrams is legally Anastasia’s mother, but Ana’s other mother from Jacksonville made it, too. They had been out of touch for several years, not by choice, but just recently they magically discovered each other again, just in time for the wedding.

My Daddy-yo, Father Time, a.k.a. Papa Smurf, came down early, on Christmas Eve, which he planned before my back surgery, but it was very helpful to have him around 10 days after my surgery to help me rehabilitate my back with walks and stretching. He also did all of the housework we could imagine. He stayed here until my other relatives arrived from Minnesota, North Dakota and Utah in January. They rented an excellent condo on Madeira Beach together. It was on the 4^th...