Kijam Blog

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The hole in my eye is a clean oval.  I removed the offending detritus and have saved it to show to the doctors.  I was an Apache, but I decided to scalp myself.  I'm not quite as stupid as Charlie Brown or as entertaining as Homer Simpson.  I am bald like Dr. Evil.   It was my choice, and it was good.....riiiiiiiiiiiiight.  No hair, you complete me.

I am switching to Medicaid to pay for my torture.  They may even pay for past tortures.   

Even if the guitar hurts my back, it helps my spirit to kick hell.  The notes are more than notes.  They are stories, legends, and good drugs.  Music can even be a master pulling the strings, making your body, your blood, your je ne se quoi (I don't know what) move to higher vibrations of reality.  I am beyond the merely physical.  Anyone else?  All right, then, let's go to Taco Bell!  And then to the hospital!

I have gold pants now.

My eye blew out today.  My healing eyelid opened up near the nose.  They put some tape over the little holet to hold it for now until Dr. Giggles checks it out.  It might be the start of a musical instrument.  Who knows?  I'm as cool as the kid in 5th grade who can't fix his glasses.  I've got tape at home!  Fuck this!  I'm leavin'!  Gimme a monkey per day, and I'll keep the ruffians away.

Sincerely,

Bagu

Okay, I'm back.  Dammit, it ain't just my writing that's back, it's my body.  It knows that I am spirit above the facts the doctors tell me.  I just got out on chemo parole on Thursday, April 12th, and now I'm back because of a fever that started on Monday the 16th.  The chance of finding the source of the fever is low and quite inconsequential.  It's just time to wait around for the doctors to agree that the body is feeling as well as my mind.  Then I'll go home again and return.  I'm worried about bills piling up and financial assistance that I need to apply for while I'm back in prison.  And if people give me cash for bills then I am less likely to get certain financial assistance.  I've got money I can use for my bills for awhile anyway.  Little Stagey needs to get to work, but I keep distracting her horribly and making her work hard by driving and supporting. 

I would know how to write a Life Falls Apart story now.  Does anyone want to read one?  No, and it's true that aliens are much cooler.  Well, I'll include aliens in it then. ...

My, Anastasia's, 21st Birthday! Yayy!

Brian is feeling better and its raining a while. They check his blood and its stable so they don't believe he is bleeding anymore. I asked the nurse if it was okay that Brian's glucose level was high and they explained that Chemo causes this and it can be temporary diabetes but so far it isn't a worry. He is young and handling things well. We finished Twin Peaks Season 1 and started Season 2 FINALLY! I have been waiting on this for a while. It is amazing and entertaining, they cross lines most shows don't dare. No wonder they stopped the airing of this show. But thats what makes it good. Go David Lynch!

Big meals are enjoyed. Finally around 5:30pm Gina shows up. She is a friend of mine I haven't seen in a while and we went out for some drinks! It was alot of fun. I came home at 11:30pm and I was feeling like I would pass out but I usually get to bed about this time now anyways. So I did have fun.

No problems with Brian. A neuro-surgeon came by ( earlier in the day ) and spoke...

CAUTION: Do not read if you don't want to hear gross stuff.

Brian is taken off for an MRI of his spine and a CT scan of his head. They revealed that Brian's facial tumor is in his perotid gland and seems to have not spread. There are no other tumors in his head! good news! and they found a possible reason for Brian's back pain and height loss. He has a fracture in his spine at T1 and it is probably an older fracture. They may do surgery to fill the fracture to releave his pain. Also there is a tumor pressing onto that area of his spine but it is Not in the spine. When Brian got back from the MRI he was in ALOT of pain and was getting nauseous. We told the nurse and she said she would be back with nausea medicine but I told Brian to wait in the bathroom in front of the toilet cause he usually can't hold on long ( I know this from previous nausea at home). Well within a minute he was gagging and finally just got sick. It was blood though and that wasn't good. I considered that...

Brian's still holding up good. His mom starts staying with us at the hospital since we dont have a way to get her transportation back and forth.

Watched Twin Peaks Season 1 most of the day!

Max and Amanda (our friends) came by at 1am and we hung out for a while. Max finally found a site so i could listen to music lol.... i couldnt get this one song to play and it was stuck in my head, i (Ana) had to hear it!

Travis comes over for a little bit before picking up Marie at the airport. Of course Brian's Dad is around most of the day. Brian's Mom(Marie)  arrives by plane to Tampa. It's good to meet B's Mom for the first time. She stays for a few hours then heads home. Brian's Dad heads home, he looks worn out and tired from all the hard work he is doing to help us out!

I don't know what we would do without all the support!

At 9am we awoke to get ready for admission to Moffitt, which was supposed to happen by 10am. We call to see what time we needed to arrive and we were told they had no beds ready and that people had been waiting on chemo for 3 days. Well we were under the impression that since they had been planning this for a week that it would be all set. Also Brian was running a fever of 101.8 when he woke up. I(Ana) started washing him down with cold water til he finally got up and took a some what cold shower to cool his body down. He isn't supposed to have a fever over 100 degrees. I called his nurse and it took a few hours before we got a response and then she told me to give him tylenol and I remember being told not to let him take any so she wanted to check with Dr. DeConti first. Again waiting an hour for a return call and by that time his fever had reduced and B was up and walking around.

I made french toast sticks and sausage for breakfast. yum. Since nothing was to be done...

Me(Ana), Brian, and Kevin (Brian's dad) went to Dr. Deconti's for test results. They then gave us the official bad news that Brian's bone marrow was filled with cancer. This means that he is very capable of an infection. His immune system is lowered. Even thought the blood transfusions help it doesn't give him enough white blood cells, platelets, or hemaglobin to fight off an infection. So in turn .... Chemo would drop his white bood cells, platelets and hemaglobin even further. Meaning its Extremely High Risk to start Chemo. But... It's the only way.

After the bad news, they sent Brian for blood work again.  We went to Jimmy John's for lunch and ate a big meal. Then when we returned to get results for Brian it was good. His hemaglobin was above an 8! So he didn't need a transfusion and could GO HOME. I asked for a copy of his lab results ( I keep track) and the nurse went off to get them... It took her a while and I thought she forgot about it. Well when she came out after reviewing his labs she noticed she had to tell us something was wrong. Brian's blood...

In case you don't know, my name is Brian Caroline.  Anastasia's been writing the facts, but she often leaves out some good stuff.  When B is writing, you will know.  The port they put into my left chest on Monday was a USB port.  Anyone I allow can hook up a scanner, printer, organic video game system, defibrillator, robot chicken, whatever.  It also works for blood, so vampires, keep your teeth to the ground on thundering nights.  You just might find the U.S. B.

What you don't know is that today I met my new Pinellas County Primary Care Doctor.  I tells ya, he is the coolest doctor I've ever met.  He is joking, caring, and quite astute.  He's always making jokes and then laughing like a coyote, while I chuckle contentedly.  Now that I've seen him, he can get bills paid for the Moffitt Cancer Center.  It will help ginormously, but it won't affect what the hospital charged me for my March 2-9 stay and March 5 surgery:  $93,000.  There was also the surgeon's additional fee of $9,000.  Ah, but the feeling of being able to walk into an Olive Garden or White Castle again as an upstanding citizen who pays...

Off to the doctor's at Moffitt Cancer Center for blood work and a port surgery. First of all, at 8am Brian was supposed to get lab work done to find out if his white blood cell count, hemoglobin, and platelets had changed. Last week his labs were: white blood cell count 3,000(normal 4-11k), Hemoglobin 7.4,(normal is 13+) and platelets at 84,000 (normal is between 160,000-400,000). Also his liver emzymes are high, indicating they are fighting something harder than normal or liver failure. Either that or its coincidence. They are worried the low blood count is the cancer harming his bone marror or he is bleeding internally. We don't know really. Or it could be that his bleeding from the surgery just never made a recovery on the cells.

On Monday they were even lower so onto a blood transfusion. We found out Brian is O positive. It took hours to crossmatch and get Brian's blood to him. Once it was there it takes 3 hours to get two pints of blood into him... But the surgeons wanted to start sooner and he was their last case of the day. So about 3pm they start pushing Brian's last pint into him as...

This is Randy, the surgeon, to the right of Brian. Randy was nice, funny, and allowed the Led Zepplin to be played while Brian lay awake on the table for Surgery. I wasn't able to upload this picture before but here it is!

Brian's cute hat features Bears and Bunnies for his new fashion statement : "Hare Club for Men"

Sunday we spent with Trav, first he came over to me(ana) and Brians'. I cooked "shake n bake" chicken along with brocoli and cheese, and au gratin potatoes. Later we went to Trav's and hung out and ate spagetttttiiiii. It was super good.

Thanks Trav!